Who Takes Cares Of The Caregiver?
- Duncan Rinehart
- Jan 16
- 4 min read
By Duncan Rinehart, Ph.D., NBC-HWC, ACSM-CPT
“I’m worried about him”, she said. “He’s been tired a lot lately.” He is worried about her too though he hasn’t said so. It is getting harder for her to move around even with her walker. They are both frail and have been gradually losing weight and slowing down. His belt has several additional holes to hold up his pants that are now several sizes too big. He has always done some of the meal preparation but now he does all of it, and the clean up as well. Since she broke her hip, she has had several other falls and the Parkinson’s symptoms are getting worse. His devotion to her takes most of his energy. And she tries to get him to rest and take care of himself.
All of us face decline as we age, and as we decline, we need more care. But who takes care of the caregiver? Up to a point, it is our spouses or our children who take care of us. But who takes care of them as our needs increase and their time and energy reach their limits?
It’s a big problem
Unpaid family caregivers supporting older adults have increased from 18.2 million to 24.1 million between 2011 and 2022 though the demands of employment, child-rearing, care hours, and the physical, financial, and emotional difficulties of caregiving have not changed.[1] The adverse effects on caregiver health are well known. For example, in a recent study by the CDC, caregivers had greater prevalences of frequent mental distress, depression, asthma, obesity, and having one or multiple chronic physical conditions than non-caregivers.[2] Time demands of caregiving have also increased. In 2021, family caregivers provided 36 billion unpaid hours of care, an increase of 2 billion hours from 2017 and the hours that family members spent in dementia care alone increased nearly 50% from 2011 to 2022.[3]
The caregiver’s dilemma
When raising children, taking care of friends or family members, or helping the elderly with the challenges of aging, caregivers give their time and their physical and emotional energy. To be sure, there are rewards that can come with caregiving like feeling more useful or gaining a closer relationship with a spouse or parent and having a sense of purpose.[4] But, caregivers often become drained, exhausted. When my dad developed Alzheimer’s in 1998, I learned of a book titled “The 36 Hour Day”[5] which is now in a 7th edition. The title alone acknowledges the fatigue of caregivers. In caring for others, we often put our own needs aside which can lead to physical and psychological problems noted above. How can we take care of ourselves while also taking care of others?
Resources for caregivers
There are resources available online and, in our communities, to help caregivers. For example, Rush University developed Caring for Caregivers (C4C)[6] that helps caregivers acquire the skills they need. “When people take better care of themselves, they’re able to take better care of the person they’re caring for” said Rush’s Stephanie Bailey.[7] AARP has many online resources such as AARP Care Connect: Essential Tools for Caregivers and AARP Family Caregiving Guides. State, county and city governments often provide resources for caregivers like this one in Texas and this Aging Services Directory of Buncombe County, North Carolina.
Tips for caregivers
Clinical psychologist Dr. Amy Gruber[8] offers the following self-care tips for caregivers:
Don't be afraid to say no. Take time for yourself when you need it. If possible, find someone who can take your spot for a day so you can have time to yourself.
Be honest with yourself and those around you. Do your best not to overcommit to tasks. It’s possible that your loved one needs expert care. If you can, find outside help from resources that specialize in home care.
Don't delay your own care. Keep attending your own doctor’s appointments and managing your health needs. Take a moment to yourself by going on a walk or enjoying a coffee while catching up on the news. You may want to talk with a trained professional as they can help to see the situation in a clear way and avoid feeling guilty for not doing it all.
Build a team. Find people in your life who you know you can count on. Reach out to them when you need a break or a helping hand. You may want to find someone who is knowledgeable in things such as benefits like Medicare or Medicaid.
Delegate tasks. Can another family member pick up the prescriptions or grab the groceries this week? Distributing tasks like this can lift some of the responsibility off your shoulders.
Ask your community. It’s likely that you already have a built-in community around you who would be willing to help or could share their experiences. Think about your fellow church members, neighbors or school parents. Perhaps one of them could look after your loved one every now and again, so you can do other important things.
Closing argument
There are people and programs available to care for the caregivers. But caregivers have to also care enough for themselves to seek and use the programs. To sustain your ability to provide the care you want for your loved one, you need to take care of yourself as well. Keep in mind that the person you are caring for may well be concerned about you too, like the couple at the beginning of this post was for each other. When you think about it, taking care of yourself is a way to provide better care for your loved one.
