Love - Another Gift of Aging

By Duncan Rinehart, PhD, NBC-HWC, ACSM-CPT

It’s February 13, the day before Valentine’s Day. I went to the local HEB (grocery store) to get my partner some flowers and a card for tomorrow. The front of the store had hundreds of heart shaped helium-filled balloons. The floral department had expanded into the entry way with a dozen or more display stands each covered with bouquets of flowers. And there were dozens more buckets on the floor also filled with flowers. In the greeting card section, the selection of Valentine’s Day cards was already looking a bit picked over. No doubt the candy and pastry sections were also over-stocked with heart-shaped treats. By the end of the day tomorrow, nearly all of this will be gone. It is a testament to the day of love (and perhaps to decades of marketing).

But only one day where we express our affection for another? There’s something wrong with this.

No doubt that in many relationships love is expressed in many small, everyday ways. This morning, I read a few personal stories of everyday acts of love. Back rubs when in pain, folding the laundry, being sure a hearing-impaired partner can sit where she can hear. And also this, the memory of a young couple in college, struggling financially, whose Valentine’s Day dinner at a nice but expensive restaurant was paid for by an older couple they didn’t know.

Love is in the simple everyday considerations, kindnesses, courtesies that we do for others, not expecting anything in return except maybe a good feeling. Love is in seeing another, recognizing them even for a moment, as someone worthy of your care. One day for love – Valentine’s Day – is good, but every day can be about love. And in our world where fear and a sense of crisis are growing, we need more love, the everyday kind.

Life gives many opportunities to learn love. Our first crushes, serious relationships, having and raising kids, losing our parents, friends, siblings, spouses; through the joys and pains of living we can learn to love and to love more deeply. And life gives us opportunities to love every day; holding a door for a stranger, letting a car in in traffic, picking up a dropped glove and giving it back to the person, letting go of the rudeness of another, and many other little things.

One of the wonderful gifts of living into our 60’s, 70’s, 80’s, 90’s and beyond is learning, practicing and deepening love. As social pressures on us wane, as we finish our careers, as we gain perspective from the vast accumulation of life experiences, we can deepen our ability to give love. The world needs this, and us.